Throw Down your Oars and Surrender
I’ve been a little preoccupied (okay, a LOT preoccupied) with finding a new teaching position for next year.
I’ve felt a stirring to do so, confident (mostly) it’s the right thing to do, but now I’m in the hard part–trusting God to help me.
I’d much rather spend all my free time on Craigslist looking at the Jobs/Education section or perusing the surrounding school districts for possible positions. You know, DO something.
I worry……
What if I miss something?
What if I don’t respond to this ad in time?
I need to re-do my cover letters and resumes like n o w…..everything just feels super urgent and pressing.
When can I call and connect with so and so?
Maybe I can call on my break at school?
Maybe in the car on the way home?
Well, I’ll send out that email during lunch, that’s a good 20 minutes of free time.
Ack! All of this “I gotta do” as if. As if it all depends on me to bring it to pass. It’s just too much.
So what did I do yesterday evening instead of sitting at my laptop, job-surfing and fretting?
Turned off the computer went outside and pulled weeds.
And absolutely nothing changed, really, when the rain came and forced me back inside.
But my perspective had changed.
Laura Barkat writes about this need to just stop in Chapter Eight–‘Cycle:Sabbath’ of her book God in the Yard.
She writes about God’s plan, well, His command, really for the Hebrew people to build into their weeks a day where they rest. (Exodus 16:23) Cease completely from their own labors. Plan ahead and welcome the winding down.
Just stop already.
As much as I’d like to spin my wheels and rely on my own efforts I am learning there is always a choice to cease this spinning and paddling and worrying and see life up close.
Barkat writes about the ‘undeniable mathematics and unexpected equation’ that appear when we make this choice.
“…this is how Sabbath works. One day out of seven, or 1=6 is an unexpected equation, but it seems to work miracles in our lives. Just why do we shun giving up one day? Are we in need of claiming all the accomplishments for ourselves, when Sabbath suggests they might come from God and open space as well? Sabbath relieves us of our illusion and burden that we are the center of all our accomplishments.” (p. 79).
Here’s my ‘Sabbath on the Page in my journal from that day:
The world will continue greening, growing and filling with noise and motion.
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